Past thoughts + Present actions = Future?

Have I been busy? Sure. We'll go with that one.

Today is the first day in my 3rd attempt to do some soul-searching to end up in grad school or point myself in a new direction. In fairness it might be the 4th or 5th, but let's say attempts made in the same application cycle don't count...so 3rd.

I have been in Panera for an hour. Half of that hour I had the privilege of observing a flood of local high school girls talking about college applications and gossiping about the recent accident/arrest of a "friend." This last part is absolutely foreign to me. The high school version of me has been on my mind for the past week and has caused me to pause a few times.

1. For starters, I didn't travel in a flood. I had a handful of close friends that I mostly spent time with at school. 
2. People called me Sweetie, and not like your waitress at Waffle House calls you Sweetie, just like it was my given name. I think this is the reason I've been dwelling on my past recently - see I ran into my "almost-mother-in-law" last weekend and she refers to me as Sweetie exclusively, 10 years later. It was so wonderful to spend some time with her - she is one of the greatest people I know.
3. I knew where I was going. Not really (and this is where I realize that current self deserves some slack...b/c the time when I had a well-developed plan is a figment of my imagination). I decided where I was going to college days before the deadline to get your deposit back. I decided on my major halfway through my second year at college. The phrase "I'm still deciding," has never been so familiar to a person as it was to me.

Thinking back about past me has been a treat. There are frequently times when I tell myself that I've changed so much from the person I was in high school and yes, but no. It's probably good that I am known to others by my given name rather than Sweetie, but I still don't travel in a flood & I still only pretend to know where I'm going...and that's really okay for a little bit, but one day you realize that if you don't decide soon, you'll be stuck listening to high school girls talk about applying to colleges while the internet fails b/c of the high volume of iPhones surrounding you for the rest of your life.

3rd time's the charm, right?